Help me to stop feeling guilty

I understand that you want to stop feeling guilty. It feels uncomfortable.  But, like most emotions, Guilt isn’t necessarily a ‘bad’ emotion.

Stop feeling guiltyIn it’s most basic sense, you’re feeling guilty because you’ve either;

  • done something,
  • said something,
  • or, thought something, that goes against the the standards you have for yourself.

It’s the feeling you get when you feel you’ve let someone down. When you’ve made a mistake that impacts someone else. When you fail to complete a commitment you made. Or, when you’ve not lived up to your own expectations, for example.

But, guilt can be a good thing for society. In fact, a series of studies you can read about on the National Library for Medicine website,1 states the following:

 

In three studies, people who recalled their immoral behavior reported greater participation in moral activities (Study 1), reported stronger prosocial intentions (Study 2), and showed less cheating (Study 3) than people who recalled their moral behavior.

 

What this means in practice is that, people who admitted to doing something that made them feel guilty:

  • Spent more time, specifically doing things that made others feel better. And
  • Tried harder to do things that increase the benefits to others.
  • Were less prone to cheat, to get what they wanted,

than people who didn’t admit to doing things, that made them feel guilty.

So, feeling guilty is often good for the World. But it’s not always good you. So, let’s give you some different things to try, to help you stop feeling guilty.

 

10 Ways to stop feeling guilty

 

    1.  It’s in the past

      The first thing to remember, is that whatever is making you feel guilty is in the past. It’s happened and you can’t change it.  All you can do is understand why you’re feeling guilty. And so…

    2. Figure out why you’re feeling guilty

      so you can take steps to stop feeling guilty in the future. Sometimes, that might mean…

    3. Apologize to the person you let down

      Sometimes the only way to stop feeling guilty, is to make amends to the person you upset. In whatever form that takes.

    4. Did you make a mistake?

      If your guilt is because you made a mistake, remember that everyone makes mistakes. No one is infallible and mistakes are what help us to…

    5. Learn for next time

      Mistakes happen. But, as long as you learn from them, you’ll stop it happening again next time.

    6. Look underneath the guilt

      Are you feeling guilty for a valid reason? Or, are you a ‘perfectionist’ and you’re being too hard on yourself? Look at what you’ve done, then compare it to ways other people have behaved or acted in similar situations. Guilt shows up for all sorts of minor things. And in the majority of cases, it isn’t as bad as your mind is making it out to be.

    7. Appreciate the good things you do

      Guilt usually shows itself after an isolated incident. But, what about all the good you do for the rest of the time? Whatever emotions are troubling you, it’s always a good idea to…

    8. Start a journal

      A journal can help you keep track of these negative emotions when they start to dig their way into your subconscious. They can start to help you identify any trends associated with your guilty feelings. Which in turn, can help you weed out any unjustified emotion. Don’t be put off by the amount of commitment you think a journal needs, it can take less that 5 minutes a day.

    9. Remove ‘Should have’ from the discussion

      Should have is in the past. As I said before, nothing good comes of dwelling on things you can’t change. So change what you ‘should have’ done, to what you ‘will do’ next time. Changing the feeling of regret, to the feeling of optimism is a great healer.

    10. Turn the guilt into a positive attitude

      It’s unlikely you did whatever you’re feeling guilty for, so that the other person felt bad. Remind yourself of why you took that course of action, if it was something you did. Or, if you failed to do something, the reason it happened. Most of the time, we just feel bad for the person we left disappointed. Again, take the negative and make a plan to do better next time.

 

Conclusion

To stop feeling guilty, it’s not always about placating the other person. Sometimes it’s about being more accommodating to ourselves. Often, we can can put to much pressure on ourselves to be perfect, when perfection is impossible. All we can do to is to aim to be ‘better next time’.

Try putting these ten ideas into practice. I guarantee you’ll see an improvement in your ability to stop feeling guilty.

 

FOOTNOTES:

1. Randomized Controlled Trial > Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. 2011 May;37(5):701-13.

“Striving for the moral self: the effects of recalling past moral actions on future moral behavior”
Jennifer Jordan, Elizabeth Mullen, J Keith Murnighan

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