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Today’s episode is about doing this confidence thing the right way. And by the right way, I mean taking things slow. Don’t try to do too much too soon.
Resources
There are seveeral posts on the site about changing negative thought patterns, the most popular of those is THIS ONE.
Negative thought patterns are one of the most debilitating aspects of low confidence. The majority of the podcast episodes deal with them in some aspect. If you still aren’t sure what a negative belief is, HERE’S A GREAT EXPLANATION from HealthyPlace.com.
If you have any questions, or comments, please leave them in the comments section below.
Podcast music: Is ‘Sweet Life’ by Twisterium.
Music Link: https://www.twisterium.com
Hello and welcome to episode 22 of the everyday confidence podcast from theskillfulmind.com. I’m your host, Steve George and Today’s episode is about doing this confidence thing the right way.
Welcome back. So, the cryptic title today probably doesn’t tell you very much. And that’s because I’d like to start by asking you a question. And that question is, Why do you think so many people fail to improve their confidence and self-esteem even though it’s something they really want to do?
The answer, unsurprisingly, is because they go about achieving it, the wrong way. And the reason it’s the wrong way, is because they made it so difficult to complete the tasks they decided they need to do. Because those tasks are just far to big, especially when they’re already struggling.
So, what’s the answer. Well, if you haven’t guessed already, it’s make the tasks simple. Don’t try to run before you can walk. Everything takes some time. Actually, Desmond Tutu, the South African human-right activist famously said, “there’s only one way to eat an elephant: and that’s one bite at a time.” And What he meant, was that everything in life that seems difficult, or overwhelming can be achieved if you do it gradually, by taking on just one a little bit at a time. And it’s the same with building your confidence.
If you try to do too much, too quickly, there’s a good chance you’ll end up getting knocked back, so you’re back to square-one. So, start by taking small steps. You’re still going to feel a bit anxious and probably a bit uncomfortable, but at least by doing small things, the anxiety’s gonna be somewhat manageable.
Okay? So don’t let the uncomfortable feelings stop you, they’re there mainly because your negative pattern is telling you all the possibly negative things that could happen. So, just try to stay calm, change your self-talk (and if you haven’t listened to it yet, you can get some tips about doing just that in the last episode ), and then keep pushing forward.
Remember, courage isn’t about having no fear, it’s about accepting the fear and still doing it anyway.
And that’s why it’s important to keep having a go at things on a regular basis, even if you find them a bit scary.
So, how does that work? Well let’s say you find it hard to talk to people? Then decide to say good Morning, or even just Hello to everyone you meet during the day. Or start up a conversation with someone you know, but don’t really talk to. Now, maybe that’s the person that always serves you at the local shop, or one of the parents at your kids school. It doesn’t really matter who they are, it’s the practice that counts and who knows, maybe you’ll make a new friend in the process.
The more you do it, the easier it’ll become. And as well as that, every time you do it, you’ll get a small success to add to you record. And, the more successes you get, the more confident you’ll feel about doing it again.
So let’s give you something actionable you can do over the next few days.
Firstly, get yourself a sheet of paper, or a notebook and just jot down one thing you’d love to be able to do confidently, but that you struggle with at the moment.
Then, once you know what that is, make a list of all the tiny little things you could do, to move yourself a bit closer. Don’t try to get great at everything, you’re just looking for things that make you a tiny bit better.
And once you’ve done that, you’ve got a selection of small things you can you do relatively easily, whenever you can. And make sure you set an intention to do at least one of them every single day without fail.
So, start today and before you know it, you’ll have eaten that elephant.
That’s it for today. Thanks for listening. All the information and the show notes will be over on the podcast page for this episode. So that’s the skillfulmind.com/podcast/22.
Hopefully, you found the podcast helpful, if you did, please share it with your friends. If you didn’t, let me know why and maybe I can make some changes. As usual, any constructive feedback’s helpful, so let me know what you think. You can do either of those things over on the podcast page and I’d really appreciate it. Thanks again for listening and I’ll speak to you next time. Bye for now.
